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Seriously Toxic Habits Of The Self Destructive INFJ

We all have our moments of self sabotage and self loathing. In fact, it’s a natural part of the human experience. However, for the perfectionistic and introspective INFJ, sometimes they get in their own way more often than not.

Negative self-talk, unrealistically high self-expectations and overthinking, this personality type can be downright self-abusive at times, but is this relatable for every INFJ?

8 toxic habits of the self destructive INFJ
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Today we’ll be discussing the 8 toxic habits of the self destructive INFJ.

1. Seeking Out Other People’s Needs To Put First

It may sound funny to some INFJs, because just the thought of being bombarded by too many people’s issues sounds like an INFJs worst nightmare. However, for an INFJ who is under the veil of self-destructive behavior, focusing on other people’s issues can feel like an escape from their own problems.

For some INFJs this may look like putting in unnecessary extra hours at work to avoid being alone in their feelings or even seeking out people in need of someone to vent to. If this habit goes on for long enough, before they know it, the INFJ will have accumulated so many obligations to run from the real problems that they hit a wall. The wall we all know as INFJ burnout. 

Sure, it doesn’t seem too problemsome to help others when feeling self-destructive, but nobody can run from their feelings, and sooner or later the INFJ learns that the hard way.

2. Unnecessarily High Self Expectations

INFJs are faced with a lot of pressures in life, as most of us are. Being an introvert in an extroverted world, keeping up with societal pressures of success and competition, and being guided by intuition rather than logic can all change how the INFJ feels in their everyday lives.

However, above all of these pressures and struggles, there’s nothing more daunting for this personality type than the extremely high expectations they set out for themselves. Call it perfectionism, or people-pleasing, there’s no doubt that almost all INFJs are high-achieving and ambitious in all areas of their lives.

And although this can actually act as a healthy trait for INFJs that utilize their high-standards properly, in the mind of a self-sabotaging INFJ, the root cause of this perfectionist nature stems from their innate fear of failing, rather than the motivation to be the best version of themselves.

The combination of a hard working nature and dissatisfaction for achievements sets the ultimate recipe for self sabotage, and the INFJ above all other personality types know this feeling like the back of their hand.

3. Self Destructive Mindsets

Most INFJs don’t know what they're capable of, and it’s not just because they’re humble. In fact, most people with the INFJ personality type can agree that they don’t reward or praise themselves for their achievements.

Being so fixated on future outcomes and potentials, INFJs that don’t take a second to mentally document the milestones in life can quickly convince themselves that they haven’t achieved much. This is the exact self-destructive dilemma that manifests into negative self-talk of being unworthy, not good enough, and incapable of achieving the bigger goals INFJs ultimately envision for themselves.

By unfairly comparing themselves and their achievements with those that have more experience, INFJ self-criticisms become too loud to allow any other feedback in. Whether it’s pertaining to careers, romance, self-worth, a new hobby, you name it.. Anyone with this analytical personality type won’t escape their negative self-view without first shining a light on it.

4. Avoiding Human Connection & Help

There are no walls built higher than that of people who feel constantly misunderstood, and INFJs know this first hand. In fact, not only are INFJs brilliant at building walls around their vulnerability, but they’re also incredibly good at masking these walls, making others think they know them when really all they know is the front the INFJ strategically puts on.

And while this serves the INFJ well when it comes to protecting their highly-sensitive emotion-absorbing nature, it can also be taken too far. So far that it can be considered a self-destructive tactic. For this type of self-sabotage, the walls the INFJ stands behind are rooted in the terrifying feeling of appearing vulnerable and ultimately getting hurt or used as a result.

INFJs know they are incredibly sensitive creatures, from the smallest set backs, to life-changing betrayals. When INFJs hurt, they really hurt, and tend to ruminate for much longer than necessary. Yet, as a result of avoiding triggers all together, this tactic ends up leading the INFJ further away from the friendships, relationships, and new experiences they ultimately need in their lives.

5. The Need To Control Beyond Measure

Most INFJs have a fine mix between their controlling uptight nature, and their desire to watch life play out on it’s own. But for an INFJ who feels a loss of control in life, it can be difficult for them to navigate in life without knowing what’s going to happen, when it’s going to happen, and how it’s going to be made to happen. 

As a matter of fact, just the thought of stepping out of their own way and allowing life to flow amid uncertainty can make them feel panicky. So many what ifs.. So much guilt if something were to go wrong.. Spontaneity and last minute changes can seriously stress an unstable INFJ out, and so the need for control becomes all that much more apparent.

Simple habits like obsessing over to-do lists, overstepping controlling boundaries with their loved ones, micromanaging at work, and poking their nose in other people’s business all leaves little room to actually enjoy the unexpected twists and turns that life has to offer.

6. They Get Stuck In A Cycle Of Analyzation

A big part of an INFJs controlling nature is their overly analytical sense of direction. This introspective personality type spends a great deal of time in their own heads, questioning and ruminating about many aspects of life.

And although it allows them to understand things on a deep, complex level, it can have a different effect on INFJs that are in a rut of self-sabotaging tendencies.

While most people with this type have difficulty taking things for face value, such as love and achievements, when the INFJ becomes stuck in a cycle of over-analyzing it can debilitate them from taking any direction at all.

For example, instead of an INFJ excitedly accepting the job offer that they’ve applied for, they may be flooded with thoughts such as “Was this really the right move for me?”, “Did I even consider the commute time?” “Why did I even leave my other job in the first place?”, “Does this position fit with my morals and values”?, “Do I even have the skills for the work?”.. You get the drift.

Instead of celebrating their new opportunity as a level-headed INFJ would, a destructive INFJ will begin to poke holes in the idea as means of further controlling the situation. The worst part about it all is that if the INFJ doesn’t work on this habit, these thought cycles never end, they only switch from topic to topic.

7. Physical Neglect

According to, INFJs are naturally out of touch with their physical bodies because of their inferior extraverted sensing function and their introverted sensitive shadow function. Although extroverted sensing gives that inner-body awareness, since it’s the INFJs least-conscious function they can have a particularly difficult time discerning their body’s cues.

Whether it has to do with hunger, hydration, or exhaustion, INFJs can slip into a self-destructive cycle of physical neglect without even realizing it. In terms of food, this can result in the INFJ overeating and over-indulging, or under-eating and strict food rules.

Yet, getting poor sleep, maintaining a sporadic schedule, avoiding exercise, opting for unhealthy indulgences, and even turning to toxic substances are all examples of an INFJs grip-stress sensing function making an appearance. 

8. They Can Daydream Too Much

As we mentioned, INFJs have a vast and rich inner world made up of all the things they truly desire in life, and although they’re able to put some of these dreams into action, the destructive INFJ personality can struggle with serious disappointments from people and situations because their inner dreams are so much more preferable than reality.

INFJs can paint an optimistic expectation of an event, new partnership or new career change only to find themselves disappointed to some degree. Not only does this make it less enticing to follow their elaborate dreams, but it can also trigger a self-sabotaging INFJ to spiral into a thought process of certain aspects of life just not being worth pursuing. And once they’ve convinced themselves of it, it can take some serious self-reflection to unwind those beliefs.