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Why the INFJ’s ‘No Contact’ Tactic Is Unbearable for Narcissists

How The INFJ No-Contact Tactic Effects Narcissists

Known for their self-defense mechanism of door-slamming, the INFJ is notorious for their ability to go from being empathetic and caring to then resorting to going no-contact with those who bring toxicity into their balanced equilibrium. But, how does it feel to be on the receiving end of this no-contact order? More specifically, how does it feel through the perspective of a narcissist? 

1. The Narcissist Will Try to One-Up the No-Contact Approach

For the sympathetic INFJ, going full no-contact takes a serious amount of will-power. Often going against everything they believe in, their intuition is usually the driving force triggering them to feel more and more uncomfortable until they finally pull the plug.

However, because door-slamming feels so unnatural and cruel, it usually takes a few tries before they really truly let go. As a result of this back-and-forth, push-and-pull struggle INFJs can have when breaking things off with a narcissist, it’s difficult for the narcissist to really take it seriously when the INFJ has reached their breaking point.

Instead of being thrown into a panic of finding a replacement or realizing that they’ve lost the leverage they once had on the INFJ, the narcissist will see it as just another game. Ironically, this is the fiery energy most narcissists thrive on when it comes to romantic relationships, and most often, it’s not their first go-around at the on-again/off-again approach.

And so, they take the INFJ’s no-contact as a challenge to see who cares less. They’ll match the INFJ’s energy by cutting off ties, deleting numbers, and blocking social media accounts, waiting for the INFJ to care enough to come back around. Sometimes this toxic tactic works. Other times, they’re left waiting until they realize they’re not coming back.

2. It Validates the Narcissist’s Fear of Rejection

There’s truly nothing someone with narcissistic personality disorder fears more than being rejected and left alone. Serving as the source to their needed undivided attention of others, narcissists are constantly on the lookout for someone who can provide the antidote to those buried fears.

This is where the INFJ serves their purpose in a narcissist’s life. Being naturally nurturing and interested in others, especially those who wear their struggles on their sleeves, the INFJ comes with all the prerequisites that make them the perfect candidate to fulfill all the narcissist’s desires.

Once the INFJ has been successfully summoned, the narcissist’s original feelings of lack and inadequacy seem to diminish from an outside perspective. With the right amount of attention, narcissists can actually thrive in all areas of life.

However, in reality, that inner doubt never dissipates. And once the INFJ has reached the point of needing to flee this toxic connection, this fear of rejection becomes all the more intense. Ironically, the very fears that triggered such toxicity within the connection are manifested, and the narcissist is left to manage them on their own.

3. It Completely Eliminates the Sense of Security an INFJ Provides

If there’s one specific requirement all narcissists must have in their lives to feel stable, it’s the continuous supply of validation and attention from their external worlds. More specifically, the narcissist prefers to be praised by one specific source whom they know they can fall back on in times of feeling depleted of their ego-boosting fuel.

Lucky for them, and unfortunate for the INFJ, if the narcissist is able to love-bomb this empathetic type into a love situation, they’ll feel a sense of validation that they’ve never experienced elsewhere. The INFJ will take it upon themselves to not only be available to them whenever needed, but they will do whatever it takes to avoid pointing out their flaws.

In fact, due to their avoidance of conflict, some INFJs find it easier to sympathize their way through bad behavior in order to not hold the narcissist accountable for their actions. Once this sense of security is pulled away through a no-contact approach, it’s one of the first things a narcissist realizes.

4. Narcissists Completely Lose Leverage

Speaking of the natural security and stability an INFJ has the power to bring to someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it’s easy for an INFJ to convince themselves they’re in control. However, little do they know that the narcissist is actually the one using the mind-controlling tactics.

Tactics that are so clever, they seem nonexistent and unapparent at the moment. With this sense of control and the INFJ’s unknowing compliance, narcissists end up forming leverage over the INFJ while convincing this empathetic type that they’re making a difference in the narcissist’s struggles..

Playing on their compassionate extroverted feeling function, narcissists can easily manipulate the INFJ to stay in the position of providing their much-needed supply of dopamine and reassurance. However, once the INFJ begins to realize just how much their gifts are being taken advantage of, it’s not long before they know they have to door-slam the connection.

This instantaneous loss of leverage not only sends a narcissist into desperation, but it actually triggers a grievance. Not of the INFJ, but rather of the power they had over such a kind individual. Which brings us to our next point..

5. They Become Intimidated by the INFJ’s Power

With the need for domination and power, most narcissists can be met with a sense of denial when feelings of self-submission are experienced. With that being said, it’s one thing for them to feel dominated by an authoritative figure, boss or parental role..

But it’s a whole nother story when they are feeling dominated by someone who themselves used to dominate. In fact, with such a passive and calm demeanor, most narcissists could never imagine being dominated by their INFJ spouse or friend because they always stay right where they want them.

However, the tables turn once the INFJ reaches their threshold for BS. With a new-found perspective, INFJs take on an entirely different demeanor, leaving their complacency behind as they take back control. Despite the narcissist using every tactic in their toolbox, they soon realize that the INFJ was holding back a lot of their potential when it came to self-worth and boundary-setting.

Intimidating and emotionless, the INFJ becomes a different person when their kindness has been taken advantage of, and narcissists learn this first-hand when they experience the unbearable intimidation that comes with the famous door slam.

6. They’ll Feel Extreme Pressure to Find a Replacement

Once a narcissist’s main supply of an INFJ’s unwavering love and compassion is gone, they can feel an extreme sense of panic to find a replacement. Like an addict who is without their drug of choice, this sense of panic can feel unbearable, especially if they feel like they’re starting from square one.

For the narcissist, switching between attempting to get the INFJ back to where they had them, and trying to essentially find and train someone new for the role, finding the attention to ease their deprivation can feel like a full-time job, Luckily, for most narcissists, they come prepared with a back up plan that they subconsciously use as a survival mechanism to stay afloat, and this comes in the form of family. While in a panic to find a lucky candidate to replace their main source, a narcissist will fill the void by any means necessary, even if that means putting on a show of self-pity. And lastly,

7. Narcissists Realize That Their Love-Bombing and Self-Victimization Becomes Ineffective

There’s a specific and often successful tactic every narcissist uses to secure a worthy contender. Notorious for their use of love-bombing, narcissists have a way of convincing their potential partners that it’s a match made in heaven very early on in the connection.

Unfortunately for the INFJ type, who can hold quite the fairytale-esque view on love, this love-bombing can completely blind-side them to the potential red-flags their intuition picks up along the way.

Especially when the INFJ is still in their naive years when it comes to learning their cognitive functions and self-worth, being showered with compliments, attention and interest can persuade their judgment while training them to ultimately stick it out with this connection no matter what.

And even once this love-bombing stage dwindles down once the connection solidifies, narcissists switch their approach to self-victimization by tugging on the INFJ’s low-hanging heart-strings. Yet, even for the most naive INFJ, this falsely-lead love connection can only go so far.

And once they disconnect mentally and emotionally, these tactics become entirely ineffective. So ineffective that they almost become humorous, leaving the narcissist with unbearable powerlessness.